Why It’s Okay to Ask for Help: Breaking the “Supermum” Myth

We’ve all seen it: the “supermum myth.” The one who seems to juggle a full-time job, cook gourmet meals, maintain a spotless home, raise children who excel at everything, and still find time to stay fit and energised. They’re everywhere—on social media, in adverts, and sometimes even in our own heads.

But let’s be real: the supermum is a myth. 

They’re not real. And striving to live up to this image only leads to exhaustion and guilt.
The truth is, you’re not supposed to do it all alone. Parenting is hard, and life is messy. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human. In fact, it’s one of the most resilient, healthy things you can do.

Let’s talk about how we can let go of the pressure to “do it all,” why asking for help matters, and how shifting attitudes about shared caregiving responsibilities are making life better for everyone.

The Stigma of "Doing It All"

For generations, “mums” have faced the expectation that they should manage everything effortlessly. This expectation often carries a heavy dose of guilt and stigma when things inevitably feel overwhelming.

But times are changing. Research, cultural shifts, and everyday conversations are challenging the idea that caregiving should fall solely on one person’s shoulders. Increasingly, responsibilities are being shared among partners, extended families, and communities, breaking down the myth that any one person has to carry it all.

A groundbreaking Harvard study on happiness found that the quality of our relationships and sense of community are the greatest predictors of long-term happiness—not money, achievements, or external markers of success. This means building and nurturing strong support systems is not only practical but essential for a fulfilling life.
So, let’s take a closer look at how we can step away from the myth of the “superparent” and start embracing balance and community.

1. Sleep: The Foundation of Everything

It’s no secret that sleep deprivation is a hallmark of caregiving. Between late-night feeds, early mornings, and endless to-do lists, it often feels impossible to get enough rest. But here’s the reality: without sleep, everything falls apart. Sleep affects your energy, mood, patience, and overall health. When you’re well-rested, you’re better equipped to manage challenges and enjoy life.

Action Steps:

• Prioritise rest: If you have a co-parent, discuss creating a schedule to alternate nighttime responsibilities. If not, consider asking a trusted friend, family member, or community group for support when you need a break.

• Accept offers of help: When someone offers to watch the children so you can rest, let them! It’s a win for everyone.

• Create a bedtime routine: Prioritise winding down earlier by avoiding screens, practising relaxation techniques, and setting a consistent schedule.

2. Let Go of Perfection

Social media often shows us a carefully curated highlight reel of other people’s lives—the spotless homes, the picture-perfect meals, the smiling family portraits. But behind the scenes, everyone struggles. No one can do it all, and no one should feel like they have to.
Trying to meet unrealistic expectations leads to burnout. Learning to respect your limits is a powerful step towards balance and well-being.

Action Steps:

• Say “no” when needed: It’s okay to turn down commitments that feel overwhelming. Your time and energy are precious.

• Set realistic goals: Focus on what truly matters to you and your family, not what others think you should be doing.

• Be kind to yourself: Embrace imperfection—it’s part of being human.

3. Create Space for Your Mental Well-being

Parenting often feels like an endless list of tasks, but it’s important to remember: your mental health matters too. Taking even small moments for yourself can have a big impact.

Action Steps:

• Practise mindfulness: Take a few minutes each day to meditate, breathe deeply, or simply sit in silence.

• Reconnect with what you love: Whether it’s reading, painting, or gardening, carve out time for hobbies that bring you joy.

• Reach out: A simple coffee date or video chat with a friend can provide emotional support and strengthen your sense of community.

4. Asking for Help Is a Strength, Not a Weakness

There’s often a lingering belief that asking for help means you’re not capable. But the truth is, asking for help shows courage. It’s an acknowledgement that you value your well-being and recognise the importance of support. Whether it’s sharing the load with a co-parent, reaching out to friends, or relying on extended family or community networks, creating a support system is one of the smartest things you can do.

Action Steps:

• Be specific: When asking for help, clearly state what you need—whether it’s picking up groceries, watching the children, or simply listening.

• Delegate without guilt: You don’t have to carry the weight of every responsibility. Sharing tasks benefits everyone involved.

• Find your community: Parenting groups, neighbourhood networks, and online forums can provide both practical help and emotional support.

How Caregiving Roles Are Changing

We’re living in a time of evolving family dynamics. More and more people—whether partners, friends, or extended family—are stepping up to share caregiving roles, challenging outdated expectations.This shift not only eases the burden on primary caregivers but also creates healthier, more balanced households. Children benefit from having multiple supportive adults in their lives, and caregivers experience less stress when they work as a team. Building strong partnerships—whether at home or within your community—creates a foundation for happiness and resilience.

The Key to Happiness: Relationships and Community

The Harvard Study of Adult Development revealed that our greatest source of happiness isn’t wealth or status—it’s the quality of our relationships. For caregivers, this means nurturing both your family bonds and connections with your broader community. Whether it’s leaning on close friends, connecting with other parents, or prioritising quality time with loved ones, these relationships are essential for long-term fulfilment.

Take a Break—You’re Doing Great

The world doesn’t need more “supermums”. It needs real, imperfect, compassionate people who ask for help, take breaks, and embrace the messiness of life. So, the next time you feel the pressure to “do it all,” remember: you’re already doing enough. Asking for help, sharing responsibilities, and building a strong support system isn’t just okay—it’s the key to thriving as a caregiver.

You’ve got this.